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    1-800-656-HOPE 1-800-656-(4673)
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  • Crisis Lifeline
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Articles of Interest





Welcome

Family and Friends






We want to help you with this...


Arguing  Arguing
Arguing

... so you can have this.

Family and Friends





Though your support cannot heal us ...

... it is important & needed ...

                    ... because without it ...

                              ... many would give up.



Thank You!


You are the most important part

in the healing of "your" survivor.

For if they didn't need you,

you wouldn't be part of their life.



We offer you information and resources to help you understand from a survivor's perspective.

In order to do this, there will be lots of information.
For some it may seem like way too much information.

Keep in mind that it is difficult, if not impossible to know precisely when you will need the information that you skipped (assuming that you did skip some).

We ask that you at least scan over something that you think is beyond what you need to know, because we put the information there because it important, self-harm (cutting) being an example.

Many cannot understand why someone would intentionally harm (cut) themselves and while it doesn't seem that a friend you "know" self-harms, unless they choose to tell you, you won't know. True "cutters" hide it.

Besides, even if the person that you know doesn't do this, you may meet someone that does.


I don't think I know any survivors. But I care and would like to know more.
It is possible that you don't know any survivors, the point is you care and want to know more. Simply click here to find out more.


I don't think I'm a survivor, but I'm not sure, OR, I have a friend that thinks they might have been abused. Is there a way to really know?
When it comes down to "knowing" if you or perhaps a friend is a survivor, only you, or they, will "really" know. Although, we list many indicators, we want make it very clear that with a subject this sensitive, it is never a good idea to read about it, and then tell someone that you think that this or that happened to them. Please don't put yourself in this situation.

If you believe that a friend was abused, you could tell them that you came acress this interesting website called A Sanctuary, and offer to tell them about it, and leave it at that. Anything more could prove to be "dangerous" ground. If you want to proceed to the indicators, you will find them here.


I have a friend that has told me some things. Sometimes I don't know if I should say "I'm sorry", or if I should give them a hug.
Not knowing what to do when a friend is in pain is a difficult place to be. Our instincts are to try and comfort them, either through words or actions. As ironic as it may sound, sometimes survivors themselves are not sure what they want. Because of this, unless the survivor asks for your thoughts, or for a hug, it is best to just nod.

This may seem callus or mean, but many times they have been either told lies or touched against their will. If your friend is sharing with you about what happened, it is likely that they are in the "victim" mode and because of that, they would probably feel either attacked, or trapped if you were to just walked over and hugged them.


More about "I'm sorry".
Many people have been taught to say "I'm sorry".
Many people believe saying those words will make things better.
For most survivors, it doesn't.


We recommended others do not say "I'm sorry" to a survivor. It can bring about a response that is not only vicious, but "laced with poison" as well.

IF YOU DO, don't be surprised if they scream out -

"YOU HAVE NO (insert cuss words here) IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE (insert the attack they survived here) SO DON'T EVEN SAY YOU'RE SORRY!!!".

This may be considered a "gentle" response from their point of view.

Surprised? Life is different from a survivor's viewpoint. Learn how to console them in a way they will appreciate by clicking here.


Okay, I've read this stuff. It's wrong, and it shouldn't have happened. It can't be that bad. Besides, it happened a long time ago.
Just get over it.


It is, some horrors so bad, that they are only whispered. We hold back to protect you. Why?
Because being told the truth may be too much for you.

While advising caution, to those that want to understand a bit more, we will show, and tell, a bit more of the truth.

If you want to know what we have faced;
- if you think it really can't be that bad;
- if you believe it was so long ago that "it" should have faded from our memories;
- if you are ready for the truth;
then click here.


This page last updated on 07/05/2017


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